Porn for the Hungry

thugkitchen:

You don’t need a party to get down on some guacamole. Put it on a salad, taco, tostada, sandwich, whatever you want. Eat it with your hands. I don’t give a flying fuck. SNACK LIFE.

 

GRAPEFRUIT GUACAMOLE

5 ripe avocados

2 medium grapefruits or 1 big son of a bitch

¼ cup chopped cilantro

¼ cup chopped red onion

juice of 1 lime (about 2 tablespoons)

¼ teaspoon salt

Take the pit out of the avocados and scoop out all the green flesh into a large bowl. Mash it up with fork. I like my guacamole chunky but do what you gotta do. Cut the grapefruit up into segments like you would cut an orange. Remove the peel and cut the segments into pieces about the size of a nickel. Put all the grapefruit into the bowl with the avocado. Add the cilantro, red onion, lime juice, and salt and mix it all up. Taste it and add more shit until you like it. Serve immediately or chill it for a bit. I’m not gonna tell you how to eat guacamole, just follow your fucking heart. 

fuckingrecipes:

SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER. 

GET SOME FRUIT.

BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT. 

BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE.

PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES. 

NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER. 

YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE? 

TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARCORE MOTHERFUCKER. 

I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER. 

FUCK. 

WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’

IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT. 

NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE. 

TASTES LIKE GODDAMN VICTORY, THAT’S WHAT. 

vegan-veins:

🍇Green grapes are my favorite but these are still good too

(Source: lesystemenerveux)

fuckyeahveganicecream:

Roasted Banana Banana Ice Cream

(Makes about three quarters of a quart of ice cream.)

Ingredients

7 overripe bananas (1 bunch), peeled, sliced and frozen (use bananas that are turning brown, but not quite as ripe and squishy as you’d normally use to make banana ice cream)
1/3 cup light brown sugar
2 tablespoons margarine
1-2 tablespoons vegan whiskey, if desired
more maple syrup or another vegan sweetener, if needed
a splash of non-dairy milk or creamer, if needed

Directions

1. Begin by roasting your bananas. Preheat the oven to 400F. Slice each banana into rounds 1/2″ thick. Place them in a glass baking pan (9″x13″ is ideal) in a single layer. (A little overlap is okay.) Dot the slices with the chilled margarine and then sprinkle the brown sugar on top, as evenly as possible. Bake at 400F for 40 minutes, stirring halfway through. Remove and allow to cool on the countertop. Transfer the bananas and their juices into an airtight container and freeze overnight.

2. To make the ice cream: Place the bananas in the food processor and pulse until smoothly blended. Most likely you’ll need to stir them by hand several times, as the frozen chunks tend to gather and become “stuck” on one side of the bowl. If necessary, add a splash of non-dairy milk or creamer to get things moving!

Alternately, you can allow the bananas to defrost on the counter top for 30 to 60 minutes beforehand, so that they’re easier to work with. Before putting them in the food processor, break them up into smaller chunks with a butter knife.

Note: Since introducing extra liquids (such as non-dairy milk) into the mix results in a slightly icier finished product, I prefer defrosting to non-dairy milk. If you’re in a hurry, pop the bananas in the microwave for 20 to 45 seconds instead.

3. If desired, add the optional whiskey and pulse until fully blended. Sample and add extra sweetener to taste.

4. Transfer the ice cream to an airtight container. Enjoy immediately as soft serve, or pop the ice cream in the freezer for an hour+ for a firmer dessert. Store any leftovers in the freezer in an airtight container. If the frozen banana ice cream proves too hard to scoop, microwave it for ten seconds to help loosen it up (or let the container sit on the counter for ten to thirty minutes prior to eating, depending on room temp).

fuckyeahveganlife:

“nutella” granola

thelittlevegan:

Potato & Leek Soup with Rosemary & Thyme

• 3 leeks, sliced into thin scallions
• 2-3 medium sized potatoes, peeled and roughly cubed
• 1 brown onion (optional)
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 tsp vegetable stock powder
• 2L water
• pinch salt & pepper
• rosemary and thyme (set some aside for garnish)

1. Fry off onion, garlic and leek until soft and transparent.
2. Add the rest of the ingredients and simmer with a lid on until potatoes are soft and falling apart.
3. Remove from heat.
4. Roughly mash potatoes/soup until at desired consistency.
5. Serve with garlic + nuttelex toast, and a fresh herb garnish.

cleanbodyfreshstart:

shopping {two cauliflowers, two bunches of broccolini, a bag of carrots, zucchinis, mushrooms, two papayas, a bunch of bananas, pink lady apples and watermelon} #vegan